my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
3pm strippers are depressing
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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