I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
