We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
