He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
