Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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