Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I miss vodka workout Fridays
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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