goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
