Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
