I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
