I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
