I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
