i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
