Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
