Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
