Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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