You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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