why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
