Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize