Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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