I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
