Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
