yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
