U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
