Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
