the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
