Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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