He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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