is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
