Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
