im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
