goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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