We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
