I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
