just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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