This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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