I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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