last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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