Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
