do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
