umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
honey bunches of taint.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
