good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's shark week go big or go home
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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