At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
