So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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