I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize