Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
