just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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