There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I intend to get homeless drunk
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
