I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it glows. i had to have it.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
