The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
