Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
