I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
