Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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