There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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