I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
