we're chasing vodka with high fives
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize