Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
4 words: hood of his car
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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