What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
