Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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