Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
how do you play pong handcuffed?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
