I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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