She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
