You made me cry and you don't even care
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
