i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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