Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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