Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
