His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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