Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
