So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
