i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
