I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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