I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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