Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
