I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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