OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
