If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
