at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
