New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
