I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
