I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
