my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
