Kiss
Puke
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
