she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
