Already got asked if we're dating
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
