do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I want to be your penis for a week.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
