So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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