he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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