My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
