if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Houston, we have a blender
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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