My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
