If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
