I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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