Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
