hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
