then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
