standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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