ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
