wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
