Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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