Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
