so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
