Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Acid is not a monday night drug
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
