I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
