reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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