He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
