I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
