Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
