i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
